


Imagine, even if it hurts

by livin_la_vida_yaoi



Series: Iwaizumi/Oikawa [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Aobajousai Loses, Crying, M/M, POV Oikawa Tooru, Protective Iwaizumi Hajime, Sad with a Happy Ending, kinda happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 12:42:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18591490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livin_la_vida_yaoi/pseuds/livin_la_vida_yaoi
Summary: Oikawa imagines how wonderful it would have been to beat Shiratorizawa, but instead they lost to Karasuno before they had the chance. He imagines how amazing it would have been to see Iwaizumi's smiling face.





	Imagine, even if it hurts

He couldn’t help but imagine it. All the opportunities he could’ve had but missed. He imagined jumping into his arms and being swung around and smiling but instead he got the opposite. He got to face his teammates, his coach, his school and admit defeat. He got to see his closest friends crying and his darling underclassmen sobbing because they couldn’t, as hard they tried out there, they just couldn’t bring the team to victory.

He got to see Iwaizumi Hajime’s tears rolling down his cheeks. He got to see his lips red and bleeding from biting down on them. He got to see what it was like to be the strong one for him, instead of the other way around as usual. He got to stay strong, but that isn’t what he wanted, so all he could do was imagine. No matter how much it pained him and tore him to shreds, all he could think to do was _imagine_ what could’ve been.

He imagined yelling out and jumping in the air and celebrating. He imagined the bright, excited faces of his teammates, of his coach, of his school praising them as they pounded their fists into the air. He imagined Iwaizumi Hajime turning around to smile at him. He would’ve jumped into Hajime’s arms and Hajime would spin him around. Hajime would laugh and say, _“We did it, Tooru, we finally did it.”_ He would’ve kissed Hajime, and he knows Hajime would’ve kissed him back because they were always _waiting_ , just waiting for that right moment.

But instead he slapped Iwaizumi Hajime on the back. He watched him struggle to hold back the tears. He saw him standing there, barely holding himself up, looking like he just wanted to _scream_ and _yell_ and _cry_ until he couldn’t feel anything. He knew that because he felt the same. Because he and Hajime were connected in that way. And that’s what fucking hurt the most. He had to see Hajime looking at him with sadness, with pity, with disappointment because after all those years of pain and turmoil and dedication they _couldn’t pull through._

He and Hajime had waited. They had waited so long. So many years of winning and winning and then crumbling. Their moment never came. He never got to feel the strain of Hajime’s arms as he picked him up. He never got to taste the love from Hajime’s lips after getting to see their hard work pay off. And he couldn’t breathe. His body was sore and his mind was self-destructing because he’d been lied to. Hard work didn’t amount to anything. Dedication showed no results. Teamwork failed in the end. And Hajime....

_Hajime cried._

When he got home, he took a deep breath. All the anger, the sorrow, the jealousy, the fear... they all finally sank in. His knee throbbed when it collided with the hard floor. His heart hurt when he thought about Hajime being his opponent. He stomach ached when he had to try to act tough and challenge Hajime, as if that would make them feel better. He curled into a ball and cried out to anyone, to _anything_ , any divine existence that could hear him. He cried out for a do over. For redemption. For another year, another moment, another experience, another chance. He cried out for Hajime to save him. To lift him from the filth of the floor and headbutt him and call him a dumbass for getting so emotional over this and for—

“Tooru?”

Oh.

He almost forgot.

Every time he fell down, Hajime always came to pull him back up.

“You can cry, you can scream, you can fall down as many times as you need, but don’t ever regret it. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.”

“Hajime.”

“You gave it everything you have and you’re only going to get better. I’m not going to let you fall.”

“Hajime....”

“We lost today. I watched our dreams go down the drain. But if there’s one thing I’m not going to let happen....”

“Hajime!”

“I’m _not_ going to let our moment pass.”

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this after seeing oikawa cry, im okay, this fic is p lame, please enjoy my sadness :')


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